Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

DVD review (region 1 & 2)
Directed by Michael Bay
Starring Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, John Turturro, Josh Duhamel, Peter Cullen (voice), Hugo Weaving (voice)
Release date Out now (region 1); 30 November 2009 (region 2)

Robots fight robots! Why? Erm…

I’m sorry but after sitting through 149 mind-numbing minutes of giant robots hitting each other, shockingly weak comedy, and a soundtrack that threatened to cause permanent earache even after pressing the mute button, I really can’t describe the plot of Michael Bay’s latest - and loudest - science fiction blockbuster to you. Even as the film was playing out, I was unaware as to what on Earth was going on. Why? Because, I suspect the makers of this atrocious nonsense had no idea either.

Aside from a very good shot of saucy orange sexpot Megan Fox straddling a motorbike in such a manner that could inflict serious chafing, Transformers 2 is a film that relies far too heavily on explosions, confusing fights and Shia LaBoeuf.

Oh Shia! Two years ago you were the next Tom Hanks. You were charming, funny, the accessible everyman; the people’s movie star. But after an atrocious turn in last year’s ill-advised Indiana Jones sequel (hopefully the ‘swinging with the monkeys’ scene keeps you awake at night, sobbing into your pillow in shame) and now this, your cinematic stock is surely dwindling…

Or not. Sadly, more from hype than judgment, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was the undisputed box office champ of 2009. Wow! Well done the public. I hope you’re proud of yourselves. They will probably be encouraged to make a third one now and part three of a film series usually signals the point where things go really bad.

Sure, I know this is a blockbuster – designed to be a bit of throwaway fun. I realise I shouldn’t expect much. But blockbusters used to be fantastic, brilliantly crafted beasts. Star Wars, Raiders of the Lost Ark and Ghostbusters are all examples of movies designed to entertain and thrill but not insult the paying crowds.

Bay might as well just flash dollar signs on the screen; such is his clear love for expense. Everything is huge in this movie, to the point where you just don’t care. Even intimate moments between characters (Fox’s character is desperate for LaBeouf’s hero to profess his love) are overwrought and laboured, never feeling like two regular kids caught up in the surrounding mayhem.

It’s hard to recall a film made with such obvious contempt for its audience, from the uncomfortable running ‘joke’ about dogs mating to a middle-aged woman getting stoned for reasons never adequately explained. Just when you think your intelligence has been insulted for the last time, a robot tries to hump Megan Fox’s leg. And after that a robot farts a parachute. It’s horrible and stupid and if that’s the kind of thing that makes Bay giggle then he should keep it to himself.

Then there are the robot twins; a pair of ‘comedy’ Autobots that conform to shockingly blatant racial stereotypes, made all the worse by the fact the film only has one black actor in the principal cast (an underused Tyrese Gibson). I strongly doubt Bay is actively racist, but judging from black representation in his film, he has little sense of judgment, and it’s depressing that a film this crass has proved such a box office hit.

Should you be interested - and please say you aren’t - there's a copious amount of extras including director and writer commentaries (yes - there were writers - overpaid if they earned a cent), and horrendous multi-angle action scenes. There’s no doubt that many skilled people worked on this movie, but I doubt any would call it their proudest achievement. Adam Herman