DVD review
Directed by Gore Verbinski
Starring Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Jack Davenport, Bill Nighy
Release date Out now

Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest? Try ‘far too many money-men on board self-imposed “franchise”.’ Get ready for a caseload of ‘too many cooks’…

For the best overview of why Dean Man’s Chest simply doesn’t feel related to its predecessor, The Curse of the Black Pearl, watch the extras disc. Contrary to the Pirates Trilogy phrase that has been bantered around, the director, the writers and pretty much everybody admits that this was never the intention, and the reason why it feels like an overlong, badly-paced collection of set pieces is clear: sequences were conceived, characters were designed and production began… before they even had a script.

Director Verbinski freely admits there was a release date set, so the film had to happen. One of the strangest phrases you keep hearing is, “If we had another year to prep, we still wouldn’t have been ready.” Er, you still would’ve had another year to hone the script, improve the story, shoot it more smoothly, and make a leaner, more enjoyable sequel.

It’s a shame, because within the absurd plot (actually a simple story stretched to breaking point) Depp doesn’t put a foot wrong. Slash an hour off the running time, pitch our heroes against Bill Nighy and ILM’s slick creation of Davey Jones more, actually finish the adventure, and this could’ve blown the first movie out of the water. Instead it’s a cynical Matrix-like experience for setting up a second sequel. If the third movie doesn’t save the day, Disney could see Captain Jack fans start their own revolution. Paul Terry

VERDICT: 4/10
Creaks along like a cursed liner. Unlike the leaner, snappier first movie, Dean Man’s Chest has an inappropriate seriousness that sinks it before it’s left port.