Merchandise review
Scificollector
www.scificollector.co.uk
Release date Out now

That the first wave of Scificollector's Torchwood action figures is so bad would be forgivable, were it not for the fact that another company (Character Options) has already led the way with its excellent range of Doctor Who figures. Not only is that range extensive, durable, highly-poseable and clearly crafted with love (making them appeal to children and collectors in equal measure), but it even includes two different Captain Jack figures, both of which far surpass the Torchwood one.

But perhaps it's unfair to contrast them so directly against an established competitor. Scificollector is new to the original figures market. Let's judge each of the Torchwood figures on its own merits (or otherwise), starting with Captain Jack…

For a start, he doesn't have a coat. The one thing that makes the traditionally chiselled Jack visually distinctive on TV is his silhouette in a long, flowing RAF coat. Why doesn't he have it? Who knows. Maybe he couldn't find it, as the paint job makes him so cross-eyed it'd be amazing if he could see beyond his own poorly moulded nose. It'd be nice to think that's a one-off error, but a quick look on the shelves of Forbidden Planet shows that's clearly not the case.

Next up is Gwen. Or rather, a young Pam Ayres wearing Gwen's clothes. Within five minutes of removing her from the (fairly shoddy) packaging, a short drop onto the floor (from about three feet up) caused one of her legs to snap off, and the other one to slide out (the two are attached by the same axis). An attempt to pose her incredibly stiff arms soon caused them to pop out of their simple ball sockets, too, while her head can't be posed at all, owing to her rigid bouffant hair. It's hard to overstate just how shoddy these figures are.

Then we come to the Weevil and the Cyberwoman. Neither of these characters feature in the forthcoming third series of Torchwood, so why promote them now? Presumably, because Scificollector have been so tardy at getting the range on sale, and have nothing more current approved for production. Needless to say, the paint jobs, likenesses and build quality are just as poor as on the human characters, and the Weevil quickly snaps in two when posed in anything other than the supplied position. Less active action figures have rarely ever been seen, by this reviewer at least.

All four figures retail at a couple of quid more than most Doctor Who figures, and the only extra you get for your money is a tacky little "display plinth", otherwise known as a stand, to stop the gravitationally challenged figures from falling over (they are barely free-standing without it). Quite who would want to display these nasty little bits of plastic is hard to tell. They won't even blend in with your Doctor Who figures should you want them to – being fractionally taller than their far superior counterparts.

Perhaps the Torchwood action figures will get better with time (a second wave is in the shops now, though confusingly it is the first wave that is currently being promoted in the press and other media), but if they can't get Jack or Gwen right, what's the bloody point? Paul Collins

VERDICT: 2/10
One point for making Torchwood figures at all, another for the brief amusement of Gwen with no limbs.