Dr Dale Seslick is one of the world’s leading experts in the field of zombology, the study of zombies. He founded the School of Survival, which teaches students how to endure a zombie attack, and presents the sold-out seminar stage show How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse (and its upcoming sequel, Reloaded). His new book, The Zombie Dictionary: The A-Z Guide to Staying Alive, is out now. “Ultimately civilisation is going to be brought down by the rise of the dead,” Dr Dale tells Matt McAllister.

How does one get into zombology?

There’s a common misconception regarding the field that it is something that you can just ‘get into’. But unfortunately, those that think it might be an easy ride through higher education, like a Performing Arts degree or BTEC National Diploma in Neuro Science, will be severely disappointed.

Zombology isn’t so much a field as a calling and can’t be found on any curriculum. You have to devote your life, heart and soul to the teachings and learnings of the subject. I see myself as very similar to the Dalai Lama, just without the bedsheets and flip-flops.

From your experience, what is the biggest misconception about zombies?

In a lot of zombie media the dead are seen to be shuffling around craving brains. This is a grave misunderstanding in zombie mythology. Rule Number Three of the undead clearly states that to destroy a zombie you must go for the brain. But if zombies ate brains then essentially they would be destroying any chance of any more undead rising – meaning that they wouldn’t be a threat at all, as they would just wipe themselves out, since a dead human with a chomped-on brain won’t reanimate.

The exception to this rule is the zombie survival manual that told us that zombies crave Brians. This may have been a typo, but I can assure you if you are named Brian then you are not going to be singled out by the undead. You are in no more or no less danger than everyone else – unless, of course, you’re Brian Blessed and then you’ll have your army of flying hawk men to help you out, which will give you a much better chance of survival.

Do you recommend having a ‘zombie buddy’ in case of a zombie apocalypse?

Here at the School of Survival we fully advocate operating in a team at all times as it will increase your chances of survival by approximately 387%.

We don’t recommend using terms like ‘buddy’, ‘friend’, ‘pal’, ‘chum’ or ‘snugglebum’ to describe these fellow team members, though, as this would imply a certain closeness has built up and you can’t let emotion get in the way when you have to brain them with a shovel should they get bitten or infected.

You’ve mentioned in your seminars that slow and running zombies can both exist. Which is the more deadly in your expert opinion?

It is unwise to underestimate either kind of zombie as by doing that you are putting yourself in danger of getting killed. Let me give you an example. Imagine you are stood in the middle of the road and a car is heading towards you… If it is travelling at 100mph, then when it hits you you are going to very likely end up dead. But what if that car was travelling at only 2mph, when it hit you then… Oh, actually that’s probably not the best example.

Maybe let’s imagine that the car was actually alive like Herbie…. No, not Herbie, he was too cute and I think has been in rehab since that film he did with Lindsay Lohan.. Erm how about Stephen King’s Christine… Did Christine eat people?

Erm – right, back to the beginning. Imagine the car is falling off a very tall building – but very slowly, say it’s got helium balloons attached to it that are slowly deflating. If you were stood underneath it and unable to move – say your feet were glued to the floor – then it would still crush you and kill you just slowly, especially if it was filled with a million pounds worth of pennies to make it very heavy. So in answer to your question a floating car filled with pennies is just as dangerous as a zombie.


I’ve just been bitten by a zombie. Is there any way I can survive if I take immediate action?

What! You’ve just been bitten and you’re sat doing this interview! You should be destroying your own brain, come here! Let me hit you with this tea pot…. Oh, you were being hypothetical. Well, don’t – I almost killed you.

Is it ever advisable to keep a zombie ‘pet’, like Bub in Day of the Dead or Ed at the end of Shaun of the Dead?

It’s questions like that that prove to me what I am doing is the right thing, because there are still people out there who have a gross misconception of what you can and can’t do with a zombie and there is no way you should keep a zombie as a pet. Although you may be aware of the dangers to begin with, over time you will become more lenient until the day that you get bitten and die and become a zombie yourself.

There are many tales of people keeping dangerous animals as pets in the media at the moment and eventually the owners make a mistake and get mauled. Just look at Will Smith and his pet jellyfish – one minute he had it in a tank, next minute he’s taking a bath with it – silly man. It’s a good job he was really a superhero, otherwise he’d be dead now and we wouldn’t have MIB III to look forward to.

You’ve just written the Zombie Dictionary: The A-Z of Staying Alive. Are there one or two entries that you’d say are particularly important in the event of a zombie apocalypse?

Asking me that kind of question is like asking which of my team I prefer over the others. Every part of the dictionary is equally important as the next and the whole thing should be read and digested as if it were the only thing you need to learn.

Focusing too heavily on individual entries may mean you pay less attention to others and thus you won’t know what you need to do when the time comes. Incidentally – it’s Judy who’s my favourite team member.

Are there any benefits to a zombie apocalypse?

I am a particularly heavy smoker as, although it is a dangerous habit that kills a lot of people both in an aggressive and also passive capacity, I don’t see the point of giving up when ultimately civilisation is going to be brought down by the rise of the dead. So the one positive I can see about the apocalypse is that I will be able to smoke indoors again.

Do you have a strange admiration and respect for the zombie after studying them for so many years? Or do you just hate them?

Are you insane? Are you sure you’re not one of those zombie-loving hippies who campaign for the rights of the undead? Because if you are I’ll happily jab this pencil through your eye now in order that you don’t suffer the pain of getting bitten to death when the apocalypse begins and you go out to hug a zombie.

Finally, in the event of a zombie apocalypse, where are we likely to find you?

I’ll be at the School of Survival compound, which has all the supplies and security measures needed in place to keep us completely safe when the undead rise for up to 20 years. The location is completely secret and there are only a chosen few who are aware of it.

We’re completely prepared to last through the days of the undead, so you won’t find me. Don’t even bother to come and look. Not even John Cusack and a Tibetan monk could breach the security…

Dr Dale’s Zombie Dictionary: The A-Z Guide to Staying Alive is out now (Allison and Busby). For tour dates and info on the How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse stage show visit www.howtosurviveazombieapocalypse.co.uk